Humorous Love
by Molten-Ashes
Summary: "Jazz, I've been run over, dropped from a bridge, had my doorwings dislocated, and had more interuptions this decacycle than in my entire career as an Autobot. So I'm just going to cut to the chase. Will you Bond with me?"
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers!

Please R&R

(A fic request from Optimus Prime 007, to have a humorous take on Prowl trying to ask Jazz to Bond with him. Hope you enjoy!)

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><p><em><strong>Prolouge <strong>_

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><p><em><strong>==Deep Space, aboard the ARK 2== <strong>_

Recharging while on duty would probably get his aft hauled to the brig, but Sunstreaker couldn't bring himself to care as he thumped his pedes onto the consol, resting his helm on his arms against the chairs high back, thinking of his missing twin as the screen remained its dull glowing blue.

Nobody commented on his relaxing position, absorbed in their own boredom avoidance activities, Blaster was cruising the airwaves for any transmissions, while Smokescreen was sneakily playing with his cards as he was supposed to be filing some archival footage of the Golden Age.

With a soft chirr he lazily unshuttered an optic to stare at the dull screen, random packets of data floating around in a ball of numbers and letters as ARK 2's onboard computer cleared out its data banks and filed loose snippets of code it wanted to keep under a file named 'Random stuff!', the golden warrior sighed as he watched the ditzy computer fiddle with its own programming.

"Argh!" Blaster groaned flopping back in his chair putting an arm over his optics "Primus! Give me a Decepticon to shoot, I'm going to die of boredom!"

"Tell that to Red Alert" Sunstreaker snorted tossing a pointed finger over his helm to the usually twitchy Security Director that was sitting watching his camera screens at a sedate sweep of his optics, a radical change from the twitchy, jerky movements he used to perform like a frightened squirrel. "He's actually unwound for once and looks happy"

"Sunstreaker!" a sharp clipped tone had him jumping in his chair "pedes off the consol!"

"Aww, come on Prowl!" the golden warrior grumbled swivelling in his chair to face the entering Praxian, trailed by the cheerful looking Bluestreak. "Nothing has happened in nearly three vorns! Loosen up a little!"

"I do seem to recall it was four vorns last count" Smokescreen chimed in from where he was playing a game of Solitaire with himself, a game picked up from a group of hostile aliens they had literally run the ship into when they passed a travelling space port several deca-cycles ago.

"See? I'm all discombobulated!" Sunstreaker groaned dramatically gathering some snickers from the skeleton crew of the ARK 2 as Prowl shook his helm in exasperation.

"Who's watching Wheeljack?" Bluestreak asked looking about them in mild concern noticing that nearly all of their rag-tag crew was in the Command Deck.

"Inferno's watching him" Red Alert said optics still on the screens "I still don't see why he needs a sitter"

"Red, he blew off the starboard engine last time we left him to his own devices, we even saw it floating by when we ran into a Decepticon scout ship. However it did give them a scare when it collided with their windshield" Smokescreen snorted gathering up his specialised cards and shuffling them again "Though I got to say Prowl, we have been low on the action since we left Cybertron."

Prowl shrugged and sat in the Commander's chair, staring over the consoles and mechs into the inky blackness of space, silently contemplating a promise his lover made to him vorns ago back on Cybertron as they split ways "I still say we should wait for Prime's signal."

"Speaking of which" Blaster suddenly called sitting up as his screen blinked with an incoming transmission "We have a second live transmission broadcast from Prime on all Autobot frequencies along with another packet of co-ordinates… to a place called Earth, specifically to a place called Diego Garcia. Even at full speed we'll get there in about forty vorns, better prepare for a long trip guys. Still, it's better than the forty one vorn estimate I got from our loveable, if not ditzy computer the first time the message came in."

"I call pilot chair!" Sunstreaker cried lunging for the dusty looking set of controls startling the gathered bots. As the golden bot gripped the control, Prowl called over to him from his seat,

"Do you even know how to pilot this thing?" the SIC of the Autobot faction asked wearily as Inferno came onto the deck dragging an enthusiastic Wheeljack who had some suspicious smudges of soot all over his frame.

"Sure I do" the golden swordsmech assured grinning when the computer gave turned off the Autopilot; the ship gaving a suspicious lurch to the right sending Smokescreen's tower of cards scattering to the floor.

"I'm going to need to see that Piloting Certificate" Prowl said sternly crossing his arms over his chest plates and glaring down at the mech as the others managed to regain their balance.

"I..uh… left it back on Cybertron" Sunstreaker bluffed with an innocent smile as he heard Smokescreen utter a few choice curses as he wandered across the Command Deck picking up his large deck of cards.

"Sure, you did" Blaster muttered sarcastically, making himself comfortable in his chair as Wheeljack enthusiastically bounced forward.

"We can use my new wormhole device!" Wheeljack said his colour indicators flashing an array of wild colours as he pointed at the ominous red flashing button beside the controls that Prowl was trying to talk Sunstreaker away from. "It should get us there almost instantaneously!"

"Let me think about it…" Prowl said before turning his annoyed gold gaze on the inventor "No!"

"Too late" Sunstreaker chirped as he pulled his finger from the pressed button.

The engines charged as the ARK 2's computer, Teletraan Jr., cheerfully informed them that the gift shop on Deck 4 for Imminent Death merchandise was now open.

"I should have just stayed on Cybertron…" Prowl groaned rubbing his optics as the engines burst with energy, propelling them forward leaving rippling energy waves in their wake.

_**==Earth, Diego Garcia= **_

"I'm telling you Jazz, even if they did pick up Prime's signal it'd take vorns to get here!" Sideswipe said over a cube of energon.

"Yeah, I guess so… but I really don't want to wait that long to see Prowler again" the recently repaired saboteur whined into his specialised medical grade energon that Ratchet was forcing down his throat cabling every morning. "It doesn't really help that we have to be up at five in the fragging morning every new sunrise."

"Aww you just want some Praxian loving" the swordsmech snickered knocking back his own energon and tossing the cube into the recycling contraption by the table of humans groggily worshipping the miracle of Coffee, before they had to go train.

"Says you" Jazz snorted good-naturedly "You just want hugs from Sunstreaker"

"I'll have you know, despite being a total and utter aft, Sunny gives good hugs" Sideswipe snickered defending his twin before sobering "But in truth I just miss him. It's not the same you know?"

"I hear ya" Jazz nodded draining his own vile tasting medical grade energon and tossing the cube over Sideswipe's head with a sour look marring his faceplates "Though I still entertain the idea of the kind of freak out level the humans would have had if we brought the entire Iacon base population of Autobots to earth."

"The city where you fought old Megsy would have been vaporised if we had that many mechs planetside, humans would have been trod on daily, Galloway, upon meeting him, would have pitched a major wobbler and the US in general would probably have been using the tank piercing missiles on us as well as the Decepticons." Sideswipe listed with a snicker "the only good point is that Prowl would have been there to haul your sorry aft out of Megatron's grip before he tore you in half."

"Good points outweigh the bad then" Jazz grinned as the coffee machine transformer in the human kitchenette tucked into the corner of the Rec-Room, suddenly started loudly demanding another jar of coffee beans to chug. "We really need a day care for those things"

"I'll say" Sideswipe snorted "I found Nano, you know, the little iPod that is the 'king' of all the other phones and Ipod transformers around here? Well I found him scuttling around in my quarters the other day, thought the fragger was a turbo-rat to start with."

"Ah yes, I wondered who was screaming like a femme" Jazz pondered aloud a teasing lilt in his tone as one of the more grumpier soldiers got up and unlocked a special safe beside the fridge and withdrew a jar of coffee beans.

"Fetch!" the soldier snapped throwing the plastic jar high and far, the Coffee machine, aptly named Bean, scuttling off with a squeal of delight "It's too early for this crap!"

"Mech, you remember their names?" Jazz asked as they watched the crazed transformer chug down the coffee beans as if it were life saving water.

"Hit and miss" the swordsmech shrugged "and I do not scream like a femme"

"Could have fooled me" Ironhide grumbled wandering into the Rec-Room "Come on you two, some humans are wailing about something entering the atmosphere"

"One of ours?" Sideswipe asked hopefully as the black armoured weapons master shrugged

"Could be, but apparently it's fragging huge, so the only bot it could be is Omega Supreme or one of our shuttles that was searching for the Allspark is preparing to crash land."

"I'm hoping for Omega Supreme then" Jazz chimed cheerfully bouncing out of the Rec-Room, the welds that held him together at the torso glinting in the faux light.

_**==Aboard the ARK 2, Earth's Atmosphere== **_

"What's the damage?" Prowl asked groggily picking himself up from the floor where almost everybody was sprawled across the deck , bar Sunstreaker, who was attempting to work out how to work the landing gear and a frightened Red Alert that was gripping his security consol like a scared cat.

"We've lost engine four" Blaster reported looking up from where he plastered to the orange floor at the rapidly blinking consol as Teletraan Jr. worked itself up into a panic as Engine Four literally dropped off, floating by the window and drifting into the blue and green planet in a fiery cylinder of flame. "And we have fires on nearly all decks, plus the last box of energon goodies has exploded all over the Rec-Room."

Bluestreak who had been calm until that precise moment from where he was spread eagled under the Commander's chair, let out a mournful wail "That's it we're doomed!"

Wheeljack looked up from where Smokescreen, Inferno and himself were piled up in the corner "Well, considering that we didn't disintegrate, I'd say that was a success"

"Wheeljack…" Prowl snapped flexing his clawed servos "We are about to crash land on a planet we don't have a fragging clue about. How can that be a success?"

Suddenly the ship gave another lurch as another thruster spluttered and died, exhaling black smoke into the cosmos of space "And there goes beloved Engine number Two" Smokescreen grumbled untangling himself from under Inferno's weight.

Prowl groaned and stumbled his way over to the main consol, spreading his doorwings for balance "Teletraan Jr. upload yourself into a spare disc, this is going to be messy"

The Computer chirred in relief, a slot opening up on the blinking consol as the personality and knowledge the shuttle had was ejected in the form of an odd looking USB Data stick, which Prowl quickly subspaced as a final message from the computer AI came up on screen "Good luck! You'll need it!"

"Glad to see he has so much faith in us" Inferno commented as the ship gave a titanic groan and dipped forwards towards the planet's surface as the last thrusters and their engines died, the crew scrambling to their seats.

"Out of curiosity Prowl" Sunstreaker asked straining against the controls as they tried to jerk out of his hands when the ship shuddered, armour and vital parts of the ship breaking off and crumbling into flaming ashes as they descended. "What's the crash landing procedure for a shuttle of this size?"

Prowl gave him a dry look "There isn't one, any time a Shuttle has crashed there hasn't been any survivors"

"Way to kick a mech while he's down Prowl" Smokescreen sighed slouching in his seat.

_**==Random Aeroplane passing by== **_

"Mommy, Mommy! Look! A big Space Ship is crashing!" a small boy cried tapping on his window as his mother and the surrounding passengers slept.

"That's nice honey" the mother sighed shifting in the cramped seat and without actually looking out of the window where a titanic Autobot ship was in the process of crashing, she shut the blind blocking the sight from view. "Now go back to sleep, we have another few hours before we land"

_**==Autobot Base, Diego Garcia==**_

"Bad luck mechs it's a Shuttle crash landing" Jazz said peering up at the flaming ball of fire that was streaking its way towards the ocean "Gonna create a hell of a tidal wave though"

"I hope the mechs bailed before this happened" Ratchet grumbled as they all watched the sky.

"What I want to know is why they didn't get picked up on our radar until that were literally underneath our satellites" Galloway grumbled already on his phone complaining to his superiors that there were probably going to be more of the 'giant robots' running around.

As if by magic the shuttle suddenly changed course, its trail jerking to fly straight at them, trailing black fumes and bright fire.

"Let's move" Optimus said

"Why what's wrong with Diego Garcia?" Ironhide asked looking up from where he was fiddling with his cannons.

"I meant from this spot" The Prime said pointing at the giant shuttle bearing down on them.

"Ah" Ironhide said finally spotting the flying wreckage "Alright then… RUN!"

_**==Inside ARK 2, After Crash Landing== **_

"Ding, Ding! Sunstreaker's Shuttle Service has officially landed! Please alight the shuttle using the gaping hole where the door used to be!" Sunstreaker said gleefully turning to a groaning pile of mechs at the centre of the Command Deck.

"Sunstreaker" Prowl growled from the bottom of the pile "Consider yourself as having failed your pilot test, and if you do actually have a piloting certificate, it's getting burned"

"Aww"

Bluestreak was the first to stumble out of the shuttle onto the charred ground and wept in joy hugging the ground "Land! Beautiful Land! I'm never leaving you again!" as he made to get up his servo dropped free of his wrist "Medic!" he shrieked in comedic horror.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers!

Please R&R

(A fic request from Optimus Prime 007, a humerous take on Prowl asking Jazz to bond with him. Am on a roll with this! (it also helps to have a weekend in a caravan with virtually nothing to do but write!) Thank you to everybody who has read, reviewed and faved! I am so glad you are all enjoying this! Enjoy! I am sorry for any mistakes!)

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 1 <strong>_

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><p><em><strong>==ARK 2 Crash Site==<strong>_

They emerged bruised and in Bluestreak's case, a little bit broken from the destroyed shuttle.

"Another perfect landing!" Sunstreaker declared proudly, not really taking notice of the still smouldering wreckage that had burnt away nearly half the flora near the beach, earning himself some venomous looks from his shuttle mates. "What? We're still alive aren't we?"

"Surprisingly, yes" Prowl commented rattling his plating and doorwings to dislodge some fumes and soot that had gotten underneath the pristine white plating which was now dented and scratched thanks to Sunstreaker's unorthodox landing. "You're still not getting to fly a shuttle for the rest of your activation."

The gold warrior stuck out his glossa at the SIC puffing up his dented and dull gold plating in teasing offence. "As if you could have done better"

"Sunstreaker, I flew the shuttle through the volcanic asteroid belt near Deluzafrost, and we didn't get anywhere near deactivated." Prowl replied raising an optic ridge; daring the swordsmech to come up with a response to trump_ that_ lethal experience.

"You're cenitvorns older than me!" Sunstreaker protested "Of course you'll have more experience!"

"I'd give him that excuse Prowl" Smokescreen said sitting on what appeared to be a charred fallen tree beside Inferno and Blaster who were trying to pry Red Alert from the face of the Security Camera Consol which had come free in the Security Director's servos during landing. "You are pretty old"

"Thank you for that lovely vote of confidence, Smokescreen" Prowl sighed sidestepping a falling piece of molten armour from the side of the shuttle, the orange molten metal sizzling in the black charred crater trail the shuttle had created.

"You're welcome" the other mech replied with a smug grin as he helped a traumatised Bluestreak tape his hand back on until they could find a more experienced medic other than a cheerful looking Wheeljack who was beginning to fiddle with one of his smaller inventions.

_**==Autobot Base, Main Hanger== **_

"Has it exploded yet?" Jazz asked excitedly trying to poke his helm out of the slightly parted doors, "I want to see the explosion!"

"Saboteurs and explosions" Ironhide sighed shaking his helm, as held the small silver mech back from trying to lunge out of the doors to try and see the smoking wreckage "You gotta love them"

"Let me go over there Prime, there could be survivors!" Ratchet was insisting to the flame decorated leader that was trying to placate the furious Mr. Galloway who was in the middle of a furious rant about the Autobots deliberately trying to blow their cover to the public.

"In a minute Ratchet" Optimus said in clear distraction as he tried to refrain from stomping on the irate Galloway "Mr. Galloway, in case you didn't know, this isn't a usual situation, the shuttle you saw was crash landing, it was probably attacked by Decepticons. Plus with the Cybertronian track record with Shuttle Crashes, there will probably be no survivors. It was a fluke that the shuttle; probably a last attempt to get airborne again by the AI, managed to change crash course."

"Will you just let me go and see if there are any survivors?" Ratchet grouched "If you're that worried about it I'll take Jazz and Sideswipe"

"I'll go too Prime" Ironhide chimed in "Might as well bring the frames of the poor fraggers back to base for spare parts"

"Very well, but be cautious" Optimus said wearily "We don't know how volatile the remains are."

_**==ARK 2 Crash Site== **_

"So what are we going to do?" Inferno asked casually, wincing as Red Alert dug his claws in further to the giant mech's plating, having clambered half way up the fire fighter's back strut in fright when they finally managed to pry the consol face from his servos, the smaller mech's helm horns crackling an alarmed blue.

"Well we can't stay here forever" Blaster agreed sitting on the decimated tree trunk with Smokescreen trying to convince Steeljaw, one of his cassettes, to scout for them. "I mean we can't even set up the emergency beacon because Teletraan Jr. is happily floating around in the emergency backup stick."

"And the little fragger refuses to anywhere near its host shuttle until it's fixed" Prowl said with a growl holding the odd looking USB stick and giving it a firm shake only to get a little electric shock from it in return, making the SIC hiss in distaste "I'll be having words with Teletraan 1 about your behaviour" he threatened the data stick.

"Oh fantastic idea, just because daddy computer is with Optimus and his crew on some planet far away from here, doesn't mean we can't just comm. him and ask for Teletraan to discipline it's pit spawn of an offspring" Sunstreaker said sarcastically "I told you it was a bad idea to take the ARK 2, but no, 'It'll be good experience for it' you said."

"I wasn't aware Teletraan's offspring would be so… ditzy and temperamental" Blaster replied dryly letting Steeljaw back into his chest compartment when the feline cassette refused to go explore, the others chiming in with their complaints of the junior programme of the Autobot's most famous computer, just as the resident Autobots of Diego Garcia peered over the crater trails edge complete with Jazz taking an ecstatic flying leap at a startled Prowl.

_**==Several Hours later, Autobot Base== **_

Prowl sighed as he was finally released from the Medbay, scrubbing a servo down his faceplate in exhaustion. Ratchet had kept all of them in for an individual lecture, one after the other, leaving Prowl until last, about not bailing when the shuttle was clearly going down and about how 'Primus, slagging, lucky' they all were to still be standing, with the exception of Bluestreak who was put under for a while to cope with the trauma of Sunstreaker's piloting and get his servo reattached.

"Report to Prime, then recharge" he grumbled to himself flexing his wings, suddenly sensing the familiar jogging tred of Jazz as the TIC saw him, tackling him from behind in a hug in the deserted corridor.

"Prowler!" he grinned nuzzling in between the Praxian's doorwings.

"Hello, Jazz" Prowl smiled softly turning in the visored mechs grip to hug him back, his spark content to be in the presence of his chosen "What did you do this time?"

"What?" Jazz whined looking up slightly into the gold optics of his secret lover with a pout "You can't be serious! You crash land on the beach in a shuttle, avoiding certain deactivation, you were stuck in Ratchet's Medbay all afternoon and I can't give you a hug of relief without you being suspicious?"

"What did you do?" Prowl repeated firmly flicking a silver helm horn fondly.

"I put paint in Ironhide's cannons" Jazz admitted quickly as Prowl's smile widened "The Twins were in on it too, and it made a really nice collage of colours on the targets in the shooting range"

"Ah, yes, how is the 'Master Pilot'?" Prowl asked rolling his gold optics in a sarcastic manner "No matter what Sunstreaker says, he's not getting near shuttle controls ever again"

"He's back to whining about his paint job, and Sideswipe is trying to help his find an 'stylish' enough for him while they spend a few days in the brig, plus Sideswipe is probably catching up on his 'Sunstreaker Hug' quota" Jazz shrugged giving a soft chirr of pleasure as Prowl ran a clawed finger over the other helm horns before stepping out of his embrace. "Which reminds me, after Prime's done with you; I'm getting you for the rest of the night!"

"Oh?" Prowl said arching his doorwings in a questioning tilt, his lover bouncing on his pedes in excitement.

"yep, we have to find you an and get some interfacing in" Jazz chirped practically skipping down the corridor towards the Prime's office, Prowl following behind in amusement as a few humans wandered down the empty corridor ahead, none the wiser of the two courting mechs in their midst.

_**==Autobot Base, Prime's Office== **_

Because Optimus was the Prime, he got the biggest office. It was apparently his birthright and because he was 'so freaking huge' as Sam had so delicately put it once. So when Prowl first wandered into the spacious place he instantly put his servos on his hips and offered his CO a stoic smile

"I'd better be getting an office like this, or I'm creating a Union"

Optimus chuckled looking up from his data-pad at his SIC and TIC walking into the room. He set down the pad, and stood from his desk to greet his old friend "It's good to see you well, Prowl. I trust you are here for a debriefing and not for some Earth brewed High Grade?"

"My, my Prime" Prowl chirred shaking his helm a relaxed smile adorning his faceplates, so unusual from the stoic façade he put up for the troops "Such bad habits"

"Something you will obviously attempt to curb later my friend" Optimus returned, resting a hand on his head tactical officer's shoulder plating, glad to have all of his officers with him once more.

"Yeah, because I often end up joining him" Jazz chimed in with a grin.

"You told me you hadn't been at the High Grade, Jazz. Ratchet said you were to have medical grade energon. Anything you want to tell me?" Prowl suddenly spoke up making Jazz and Optimus shuffle nervously.

"I… uh… Kind of died?" Jazz asked nervously scrapping the tip of a pede against the floor and holding his servos behind his back like he had been caught stealing from the energon goodie jar. "Megatron played tug of war with me, I was the rope, and I guess he forgot you can't play that with a real live mech. So I… snapped in half"

Optimus could practically hear the gears in his SIC's helm clicking and whirring as he tried to comprehend what Jazz was saying as well as the mech's subconscious shrieking 'What the Frag?'

"Don't freak out" Optimus said lowly moving to hold his SIC either up or to the floor.

"You…died?" Prowl finally parroted making Optimus mentally cheer for the anti-climax.

"Allspark magic" Jazz supplied to the next question before it was asked "Did you know Primus and Unicron like to do the Caramelldansen?"

Optimus knew Jazz regretted saying that just as Prowl looked it up on the internet "Wait Prowl! Don't!" he cried to late as the SIC suddenly shuddered, his plating give an ominous rattle before his gold optics went dark and he collapsed into the Prime's outstretched arms, his processor having its first crash in nearly four vorns.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own transformers

Please R&R

(A request fic for Optimus Prime 007, a Humorous take on Prowl asking Jazz to bond with him. Thanks to everybody who has read, reviewed and faved! Enjoy!)

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 2 <strong>_

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><p><em><strong>==The Morning After=Diego Garcia= Autobot Base= Medbay==<strong>_

"Prowl! Prowl, how many fingers am I holding up?" Jazz's voice pierced the dark fog of his processor as he struggled towards the light, a blurry shape fazing in and out of focus as he groggily replied

"Seven?"

Jazz looked at his raised fingers to stare puzzled at the three he had been holding up and hid them quickly as he saw Prowl's gold optic lenses shift closer to the cluster of the light emitting filaments to focus, giving a faint whirr as they adjusted "Close enough" he smiled down at his lover stretched out on a medical berth, leaning over the Praxian as he fought back into consciousness. "What do you remember?"

"Something about Unicron and Primus" Prowl grumbled feeling his helm practically itch in irritation as he tried to remember, he raised a clawed servo to his helm and scratched his chevron's crest, a soothing habit from his sparkling days to ease his quicksilver, helm-ache inducing scenarios forced upon his processor by his battle computer, of what could have happened in the blank section of his memory just before he crashed.

"Don't think to hard about it" Jazz advised with a cringe "Ratchet has already given me a new dent in my helm for breaking your processors already; I'm supposed to show you around after we get some energon in the Rec-Room"

"Fantastic, more processor crashes are imminent then" Prowl grumbled, always in a bad mood after a crash.

"Maybe. The minor Twins have been getting jealous and are starting to kick up a fuss about not getting any attention anymore and picking fights with the Twins, who were let out of the brig this morning" Jazz warned as the black and white doorwinged mech rolled off the medical berth and stepped onto his pedes with the grace of a cat.

"Let's get to it then" Prowl sighed as they exited the medbay, passing a brooding Ratchet sharing a cube of High Grade with a cheerful looking Wheeljack who was sporting some suspicious looking welds already.

_**==Autobot Base= Rec-Room== **_

"Would you four stop that!" Simmons snapped at Skidz and Mudflap as they jockeyed for control of the TV remote with an annoyed Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, the four mechs in a tangle of fighting limbs on the Transformer sized sofa as humans plastered themselves to the walls and walkways embedded at Transformer height, weary of flying minor Twins. "Hey! Goldie locks! You are putting personnel at risk! Put down the annoying Chevrolet and I won't come and scratch your paint job with a wire brush!"

"Oh, shut up Squishy!" Sunstreaker snarled down at the angered human that had his hands on his hips glaring up at them as the gold warrior held a violently cursing Mudflap by the audio, the small bot dangling like a drenched animal, kicking and flailing in the air. "I've got bigger problems than looking out for your bag of organs!"

"SUNSTREAKER! SIDESWIPE! Put them down!" a baritone voice rumbled darkly from just behind Seymour Simmons making all in the room pause, the bots that had been watching the scene in amusement quickly huddling down in their seats over their energon and pretending they hadn't been doing nothing to stop the fight.

"And who are you?" Simmons snapped at the black and white mech with a gleaming red chevron that stalked into the Rec-Room stopping only to loom over the ex-Sector Seven agent with eerily calculating amber optics, the wings on its back flared high in a stiff 'v'.

"Our worst nightmare" the larger set of Twins chorused glaring at the newly arrived SIC as Jazz poked his helm around the Praxian's mass.

"Better do as Prowler says, mechs, he's got a helm-ache" the saboteur chirred gleefully as Sunstreaker immediately dropped Mudflap as if he had been scalded and Sideswipe managed to pry Skidz's mouth from around his servo shoving the green minor twin off of him and shuffling closer to his own sibling with a rattle of his silver plating.

"My name is Prowl" Prowl finally spoke down to Simmons, raising an optic ridge in stoic scrutiny of the man that stared right back with his hands on his hips.

"He's our SIC" Jazz chimed in waving down at one of his favourite humans to torment.

"So your head honcho when the truck ain't around?" Simmons stated eyeing the Praxian.

"Not very good at making first impressions is he?" Prowl rumbled in Cybertronian to the snickering Jazz. "He's a bit like you"

That had the silver mech giving a shrill note of protest as Prowl inclined his helm to the eccentric liaison "That is correct, May I ask your Designation?"

"Seymour Simmons" the man said wearily as Prowl tilted his chevroned helm in curiosity.

"I think we're going to get on very well, Mr. Simmons" Prowl finally replied after searching through the human's records. With that the SIC stepped over the man and stalked his way to the energon dispenser.

"And just what did he mean by that?" Simmons asked a pleased looking saboteur.

"Congrats man, it means he likes you and won't slice you in half with his energon blades" Jazz grinned "Not a wise thing to do, interrogating our SIC when he has a processor ache. He's quite fond of the Corvette twins because they had the ball bearings to try and prank him when they first met."

"Who says I'm going to get a Corvette Alt. Mode?" Sunstreaker grumbled from the couch as Sideswipe snickered beside him.

"Bro, we're the Twins! We gotta have matching Alternate Modes!" Sideswipe grinned patting the shining gold bicep plating of his temperamental sibling. "Plus with the way we're arranged, we get wheels to skate on instead of pedes! Need I remind you that we need a lot of speed to get away from the Hatchet?"

"I'd love to see you try out skating on your tyres in winter" Sunstreaker sneered bonking his twin on the helm and sinking further into the seat and crossing his arms on his protoform chest plating "I'll choose and Alt. later, now hurry up and switch on the art channel, I think this Da Vinci person was on to something!"

"Oh, that reminds me" Jazz exclaimed snapping his fingers and dodging around an irate Simmons as he went back to his coffee break "Prowler! We gotta find you an Alt. Mode!"

The Praxian, who had found Red Alert brooding in the corner behind the lumbering shadow of Inferno, was quietly reassuring him that he would see about a Security Room being installed, looked up from his discussion with a weary glance. "I'm quite happy as I am at the moment Jazz"

"Nope, Boss-bots orders" Jazz trilled grabbing his lover by the arm plating as he drained the last of his energon, and placed the cube in the recycler. "Come on! The government is offering any car you want!"

"Somehow I think this is going to go badly" Prowl grumbled as he was tugged out of the Rec-Room.

_**=A few Hours Later=Autobot Base= Front Hanger=**_

Sam shrieked at the top of his voice when he saw the Police Car sitting innocently at the back of the Autobot hanger beside Jazz's sporty silver Alt., which grumbled into life with a roar of surprise at the unmanly scream.

"It's Barricade!" the young man cried turning tail and running straight into Bumblebee's ankle joint who was chirring in amusement as the Autobots and soldiers in hearing range of Sam's scream came running, weapons in hand.

"Where?" Jazz piped up transforming in a whirr of parts leaving the Dodge Charger police cruiser to sulk on his suspension.

"There!" the human squeaked pointing at the black and white mech that transformed, its clawed servos on its hips glaring at him with cold gold optics.

"I'll have you know, my name is Prowl" the new mech rumbled, optics narrowing at the human as he stalked off back into the depths of the base, wings flared up in insult as the other Autobots snickered.

"Sam" Bumblebee whispered kneeling down beside the panicked human "That was Prowl, he's our SIC and head of the Tactical division"

"Oh… Did I offend him?" the brown haired young man asked nervously as the other Autobots retreated back into the base with their human companions a little annoyed at the false alarm.

"Probably, but don't worry, Prowl doesn't really hold grudges but he might 'accidently' nearly step on you" Bumblebee shrugged as he gently nudged Sam in the direction of Optimus' Office. A small camera drone was crawling along the wall like a mechanical centipede, half rearing off the wall to zoom in on them before scuttling off down the corridor. "That's Red Alert's new Camera Drones. He's one of the newest arrivals"

"Yeah, I saw the giant shuttle, in the crater" Sam said shivering as he saw who he presumed to be Red Alert, the white and red mech, staring creepily at them from the Rec-Room, curled up next to a mech larger than Optimus that was casually watching the TV that seemed to be stuck on the art channel as Sideswipe and another new mech were silently watching. "Was it supposed to land like that?"

Bumblebee gave an amused buzz of his vocaliser as they turned onto the Officer corridor on the way to Optimus' Office, the door hissing open like a startled snake, surprisingly revealing a working Prowl who was in the process of getting annoyed by a cheerful Jazz sitting like a showgirl on the edge of what was once the Prime's desk.

"Next office down boys!" Jazz giggled as Prowl, with an almost smug look relaxed back in his chair, pressing the tips of his claws together like a super villain "Optimus moved office"

"Oh, thanks Jazz" Bumblebee chirped as if nothing was wrong, his human companion giving a splutter of protest as Prowl flared up his armour at him when the door hissed back closed.

The next door opened with less ceremony to reveal an amused Optimus talking with a smirking Blaster about where to set up the Communications tower he had planned, the black armoured form of the Weapons Master, Ironhide coming in after them with a data-pad. "I see you've gotten chucked out of your office, Prime"

"Nothing that hasn't happened before" the Prime shrugged "Prowl is… very persuasive when he is in a bad mood"

"I can't wait until he meets Galloway" Ironhide said with a smirk.

"He doesn't like me already" Sam piped up as Bumblebee lifted up the human to put on the last Prime's new desk.

"You did call him Barricade" Bumblebee said gravely "Prowl doesn't take kindly to being called a Decepticon"

"He's got claws and a police car mode!" Sam replied "And don't lie, you thought he was Barricade too until you saw Jazz getting cosy with him"

Ironhide and Optimus shot each other alarmed looks. Maybe the pairs weren't being as discreet as they first thought…

_**==Autobot Base= Prowl's Office= **_

Prowl smiled softly as Jazz leaned away from the kiss with a giggle "I'll see you later Prowler!" he chirred, the TIC bouncing out of the office letting in a skating Sunstreaker. "Sideswipe was insistent was he?"

"Fragger hacked my scanner" the gold warrior sniffed picking over his new form and rotating a wheel along the ground "I'm now a slagging Corvette until I can beat the lock codes out of him"

"Speaking of Alt. Modes, I trust everyone else has gained one?" Prowl asked tilting his helm curiously as he finished his last data-pad of the hour.

"Bluestreak and Smokey have Dodge Chargers, but I think Smokey is eyeing up Jazz's Pontiac Solstice Alt. Mode, so he might change. Red Alert went for a Lamborghini and Inferno went for a Fire Truck. Blaster is now the new Transformer Sized sound system in the Rec-Room" Sunstreaker listed on his fingers "Oh and Wheeljack is a Mustang. I wanted a Lamborghini Alt. it would look so much stylish on me but Sideswipe was being an aft."

"Speaking of style" Prowl said fiddling with his stylus "I'm going to need your help with something"

"Prowl… the last time I agreed to help you; we insulted a spaceport full of giant mutant slime creatures. So forgive me if I'm a little skeptical" Sunstreaker replied wearily.

"It was your fault for downloading the slang of the language" Prowl retorted sharply "How was I supposed to know the femme I run into was the Princess? Anyway, I'm going to ask Jazz to bond with me"

"Yeah, well bad mistake on your… say wha?" the gold swordsmech squeaked nearly over balancing on his tyre pedes.

"You are self proclaimed 'Relationship Guru'" Prowl pointed out with an almost wicked smile "I'm not good at the whole proposing thing, so I need some help"

"And if I refuse?" Sunstreaker reproached crossing his arms and raising and optic ridge in question.

"you won't get the lock codes to your Alternate Mode Scanner" Prowl purred subspacing the odd looking data-stick that had once held Teletraan Jr. before they uploaded him alongside his 'father' computer. "Which, I happen to have acquired from your, oh so helpful, twin"

"Fragger" the gold warrior pouted "this is conspiracy blackmail"

"But its good blackmail" Prowl said tucking the data-stick back into his subspace "So. Do we have a deal?"

"Deal… I want that Lamborghini Alt.!"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers

Please R&R

(Since people expressed their confusion about this chapter before, I took it down and re-worked it, so hopefully everybody will be able to understand it better :) Enjoy!)

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 3 <strong>_

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><p><em><strong>=That Night= <strong>_

**_==Autobot Base= New Security Room== _**

Red Alert sighed as he watched his personal Camera Drone scuttle away from him after having dropped off some surveillance footage, retracting its legs and slithering across the floor like the organic alien snake he had designed it after in his first days as a Security mech. His companion, Inferno, was leaning back against the wall next to him, the centipede camera drone sitting curled up on the giant mech's chest plating. "You" he grouched at the centipede drone which looked up at its master's call with a shifting of its camera optic that recorded everything and anything it came across "Scout"

The drone shuffled off of the fire trucks chest and clattered across the room after its snake like brother. Both sets of footage from the drones being shown on two screens attached to the bank of monitors which were imported from the wreckage of the ARK 2.

"Useless, ancient, skiving piles of junk" Red Alert grumbled as he curled closer into his corner beside Inferno as the Twins entered the Rec-Room.

"Now, now Red" Inferno grinned looking down at the smaller mech from under his pearly blue visor "They do their best"

"I don't trust the organics" the paranoid Lamborghini Transformer grumbled shrinking into Inferno's shadow as he kept his optics glued to his beloved monitors, the only place he felt safe on this strange, new, and impossibly complex planet. "The humans could be conspiring against us as we speak!"

"Calm down Red" the fire truck soothed running a large finger over Red Alert's horns that would glow blue when he saw fit to freak out. "There's nothing to worry about"

At that moment Sideswipe skated into the room looking gleefully suspicious "I could be wrong though" Inferno rumbled as Red Alert turned his glare onto the silver half of the Corvette Twins.

"Aren't you supposed to be on shift?" the red and white mech snapped sharply.

"Yeah but I have to give you this" Sideswipe chirped dangling a data-pad in front of the security Director "And some top secret information"

"Oh, do enlighten me" Red Alert dryly replied scanning through the pad written in Cybertronian "What diabolical prank are you going to do to tip me off the deep end this time?"

"Red Alert" the swordsmech cried feigning hurt, putting a servo over his chest plates "You wound me!"

The red and white mech offered him a tolerating glare "Then get on with it, what is this Top Secret Information you're so nicely going to share with me?"

"Well, I heard this from Sunny, who heard it from Bluestreak, who was talking to Blaster" Sideswipe clarified leaning forward with barely restrained glee.

A blue optic ridge twitched "You came to tell me gossip? Inferno, chuck the trash out please"

"Woah, Red!" Inferno said a tad startled as Sideswipe gave a shrill trill of protest "That's a bit harsh, he just wants to share some rumours!"

"It's really juicy info!" the silver Corvette butted in as the giant fire truck shifted in his seat. "It's about the Apocalypse, Prowl and Jazz!"

That certainly got Red Alert's attention. The superstitious Security Director stiffened in his seat from where he was already half out of it to forcibly wheel the swordsmech out of his domain. "Continue"

"Well, Smokey was explaining a theory that Wheeljack was telling Ratchet" the silver twin said excitedly nearly bouncing on his pede tyres. "You know how Prowl and Jazz are fragging each other, yeah? Well, apparently if they don't get bonded within the next two weeks the earth and all of its surrounding planets are going to get wiped off of the face of the Universe!"

Inferno gave a great rumbling laugh "Yeah and I'm going to sprout Seeker wings and fly! Pull the other one Sides"

"I swear!" the swordsmech protested as Red Alert gave a sharp ex-vent of disbelief "He even went into detail about how it would happen! It's cosmic balance!"

"This I gotta hear" the Security Director sneered still keeping tabs on his monitors where he saw Prowl and Jazz walking down the corridor together on the way out of the base.

"Wheeljack said if you divide the Quantum Theory by seven and then add the amount of molecules that make up a transformer and the density of the average spark, you will see that group of numbers proves the Theory of the Universe Imploding, is actually quite possible" Sideswipe acted out dramatically making Inferno chuckle and Red Alert want to bang his newly aching helm on the monitor desk repeatedly. "So fate and cosmic balance decree that they have to get together eventually, however Cosmic Balance is a little out of whack when the human, Sam, destroyed the Allspark, so everything is riding on these two to bond or else… poof! Ka-blooie! Goodbye universe!"

"Wait, wait, wait. Not only was that rant idiotic, it is giving me a helm ache" Red Alert sighed rubbing his optics as he attempted to sort out the facts from Sideswipe's obviously overactive rant "you're telling me that because the human destroyed one of the only sources of Sparklings on Cybertron, 'Cosmic Balance' is temporarily skewed? And not only that, the 'fixer' of this seemingly divine disaster of planets getting destroyed, is to make our SIC and TIC bond?"

"That pretty much sums it up, in theory anyway" nodded the Swordsmech eagerly. "I'd love to see it in practice though. But really Red, the chances of those two bonding in the next week are about 99.98% on the 'yes' side anyway, so we don't really need to intervene. I've seen major opposites attract before"

Red Alert's horns crackled a bright neon blue making Sideswipe grin with glee as the paranoid personality of the resident 'Conspiracy Nut' let out a panicked shriek.

_**==The Next Day=**_

_**==Diego Garcia= Autobot Base= Communications Room==**_

Sideswipe winced as an agitated SIC stalked past the Communications Room growling like a feral, venomous animal. "What happened?" he asked his gold twin sitting next to him, who was also looking pretty mad, though that was his usual expression these days after all the trips and falls he had had to put up with while getting used to his new tyre pedes. "I didn't do it by the way"

"Plans went belly up like that goldfish I saw on TV" Sunstreaker grumbled slouching further into his chair crossing his arms. "And you are partly to blame, no... actually, you are fully to blame!"

"Oh, do tell" the silver twin grinned taking his optics off of the screen he was supposed to be watching for any incoming transmissions.

"Well, for our first attempt we agreed to try a romantic evening under the stars so Prowl could propose" the swordsmech replied withdrawing a cloth from his subspace and scrubbing at a bit of nonexistent dirt on his bicep plating "That resulted in Prowl getting run over by a fritzing Red Alert when YOU decided to make him go doo-lally!"

"It wasn't my fault!" the Corvette cried in protest "How was I supposed to know he'd actually believe me when I made up that slag about the universe depending on Prowl and Jazz to bond to sustain its Cosmic Balance? I got that 'Cosmic Balance' crap off of a meditating show!"

"Maybe because it's almost a proven fact that pairing Prowl and Jazz together is multi-dimensional? Remember that camera that came through a 'rip' in the dimensional fabric of the universe one day?" Sunstreaker asked cocking an optic ridge in exasperation "The Prowl and Jazz in that dimension were bondmates"

"When and where was I?" Sideswipe almost shrieked "When did this happen?"

"You were out fragging Smokescreen back on Cybertron" the golden twin shrugged "I thought you would have enjoyed that better than seeing yourself as a boxy red painted prankster from another dimension"

"No offence to Smokey's berth prowess, but mech I want to see that!" The silver swordsmech whined at his annoyed twin.

"Tough, Red Alert put the footage into the ultra security archive" Sunstreaker snapped putting away his cloth "Anyway because of you, I now have to come up with something else that will help Prowl propose to Jazz and get my Alt Scanner codes back so I can get that Lamborghini Alt I want… a night drive maybe?"

"Yeah, but where could you go?" Sideswipe shrugged scratching an itch in his wiring in-between his abdominal plating "I mean, hello, we're on an island in the middle of the Ocean"

"How about they have a drive under the water?" Blaster suggested with a snicker as he jogged into the Communications Room to start his shift.

"Or…" Sideswipe said holding up his hand as if he was drawing inspiration from the ceiling "Big idea, here!"

"Oooh, somebody write that down" Sunstreaker sniped dryly "Sideswipe finally had an idea that isn't prank related"

"Shut up and let the **_r__eal_** love guru work his magic!" the silver twin grinned wiping out a data-pad from his sub-space and beginning to scribble.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers

Please R&R

(Again, sorry for the confusion in Chapter 3. Anyway, a fic request for Optimus Prime 007, a humorous take on Prowl asking Jazz to bond with him. Enjoy!)

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 4 <strong>_

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><p><em><strong>==Diego Garcia= Top of the Wreckage of the ARK 2== <strong>_

"So let me get this straight" Prowl said as he fiddled with the long pole of metal which had once been a minor support beam in the ARK 2 "You're letting Sideswipe, your Twin, and bane of every Autobot Officer's existence, plan my next attempt at asking Jazz to bond with me?"

"Yeah," Sunstreaker nodded twirling his own orange pole which clashed horribly with his paint job as he stepped up to a pile of small balls of wreckage metal next to Prowl and sifting one out with the flattened end of his stick, moving to aim at the ocean. "But to be fair, Sideswipe's plans usually come together more often than mine do, plus I think this is his way of saying sorry for fritzing Red Alert and getting him to run you over"

With that the golden mech wrecker swung back and smacked the improvised golf ball off the ship, watching with satisfaction as it soared over the decimated foliage and crater trail of the ARK 2 and landing in the Ocean nearly a mile away, creating a few large waves for the soldiers surfing beyond them relaxing on the beach, making good use of their day off.

"Not bad" Prowl nodded stepping forward with his own improvised golf club. "But it's what your brother has in mind is what bothers me, for all I know he's planned a bonding ceremony and I just have to tell Jazz 'Surprise, you're going to have my sparklings, please come this way to make our bond official!'"

Sunstreaker cringed at the mental image as Prowl swung smoothly, the club whistling with the force of the swing, sparks flying from the impact as well as a loud thunder crack of metal colliding with metal, the ball far exceeding his own in the distance and speed factor.

"You know I never really thought I'd get along with you for this long" Sunstreaker commented as Prowl watched a soldier wipe out on the crest of a wave with stoic gaze of calculation. "Especially share a game of golf for this long with you anyway."

"I believe the term is 'Driving'" Prowl corrected as Sunstreaker placed his next garbage ball, made of the softer internal metal of the ARK 2, a little further back than his last one. "It's better than playing a game of basketball with Optimus, Ironhide, Ratchet and Jazz. No matter what they say, they play dirty."

"I'll say, Sideswipe made me try Rugby with Inferno as the opposition" Sunstreaker scowled "I'm still knocking the dents out of my chassis"

Prowl offered him a stoic, bordering on smug smile "I said it was unwise"

"Since when did we listen to you?" Sunstreaker snorted as he swung, chipping the ball and sending it rolling down the side of the ship and bouncing down the crater trail at a lethal sixty miles an hour, towards the mingling off duty soldiers on the beach. "Frag it! It's your turn to rescue the humans Prowl"

The SIC sighed and transformed into his new Alt and roared off down the ramp they had built in case of emergencies such as this. Prowl never played a game unless it was safe first.

The Praxian drew level with the ball as it was about to crush an unsuspecting group of surfers, transforming at a run and with an impressive kick sent the golf ball turned football soaring off into the horizon with a few unmanly screams from the soldiers he had just saved from being crushed.

"Watch out" he rumbled as he turned back the way he came leaving the men to run off in the opposite direction, intending to avoid the crater trail as if it was a track into hell itself for the rest of their mortal lives "There are bot's trying to play golf"

_**==Over the Ocean== **_

"What are we doing out here, oh mighty Megatron?" Starscream grumbled as they flew low over the endless blue ripples of the earth's Ocean. "We'll never find the Autobot's base"

"Shut up Starscream" Megatron hissed in his Cybertronian jet form, wishing he could just transform and take a swipe at the cocky seeker without being derailed from his objective. "Keep your sensors alert or I'll tear up your wings with my flail."

"Fine then" the tattooed jet sulked "I'll just play my music"

"No!" the silver War Lord of the Decepticons roared twisting in the air to try and ram the traitorous F-22 as Starscream blasted out 'Dragostea din tei' on his speakers. "Primus Frag it!" Megatron snarled to himself as the jet tauntingly danced around his bulky frame. "You're so dead when we get back to base"

In their obliviousness, they never saw the giant ball of metal scavenged from the ARK 2 with a pede sized dent flying towards them out of the glare of the sun, dropping Megatron into the Ocean below as it landed firmly on his helm with a firm 'Thwack'.

_**==A few minutes later back on top of the ARK 2 wreckage==**_

"Please tell me you saved them" Sunstreaker whined as Prowl vaulted back onto the platform, swiping up his golf club from where he had discarded it his haste to save the oblivious humans "Optimus will have my helm if I even put a scratch on one"

"They're safe, traumatised but safe" Prowl nodded as he lined up one of his last shots and sending it flying towards the Ocean "You do realise we will have to go and find these later, we are technically littering"

"Don't have to" Sunstreaker shrugged "Blaster got a transmission from Seaspray and Beachcomber this morning. You know how those two are, hippy-ish and eco-friendly. They can do it"

"Very well" Prowl shrugged happy with that logic as he stood aside to let the gold twin have his last shot.

"I'd like to see you beat this shot Prowl" Sunstreaker bragged as he lined up his shot carefully, balanced perfectly on his tyres, clearly over his unstable stumbling of the last few days.

"We'll see" the black and white doorwinged mech said as he spied a trajectory fault when Sunstreaker was at the pinnacle of his backward swing, forcing the club to follow through incredibly fast, sending the ball sailing straight at the beach.

Unfortunately, Jazz had been playing volleyball with Blaster and stumbled backwards as he caught the improvised volleyball, into the path of the oncoming transformer sized golf ball, dropping the unsuspecting saboteur like a stone applied to gravity.

"Sniper!" Blaster shouted with a cackle.

"Nope, your right" Prowl replied blandly as Sunstreaker's faceplate paled, mentally freaking out as Ratchet, who had been solar charging near the Volleyball court, turned his beady hawk like optics up the crater trail at them, spying Sunstreaker still in the finishing position of his swing and letting out a furious roar. "I can't beat that shot."

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><p>AN: I just came back from a game of golf with my parents and couldn't resist writing Prowl and Sunny take a few pot shots as they plotted! XD hope you liked!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers!

Please R&R

(Sorry for the delay! I had to mull over this chapter something awful before I was satisfied with it. Thank you to everyone who had read, reivewed and faved! enjoy!)

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter 5 <strong>_

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><p><em><strong>==Diego Garcia= Autobot Base= Early morning=<strong>_

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Optimus whispered to Ironhide during one of Galloway's long morning lectures.

"I think he's thinking what you think he's thinking" Ratchet chimed in lowly from beside the weapons master, polishing a wrench with his favourite cloth, barely paying attention to the liaison that was still at it after twenty minutes.

"If he's thinking what I'm thinking, then I think we shouldn't just be thinking… what do you think?" Prowl asked Ironhide who was looking completely lost as he saw Optimus, Prowl and Ratchet tense up as if they were away to stomp on the ignorant human ranting at their pedes.

"That is true lover, but if I'm thinking what you are thinking about doing, then I think that could cause a few problems" Jazz snickered popping up beside Prowl and hugging the SIC from behind having fully recovered from his 'Sniper attack' by Sunstreaker the day before.

"Make it stop!" Ironhide suddenly shouted putting his servos to his audios, frightening the irate Galloway into letting out a girlish scream "You've all gone fragging mad!" with that the cannon baring mech promptly crashed and tumbled to the floor, leaving the three officers staring down at him oddly. They were only asking him if he thought a private High Grade Party would be a good idea. After all, they usually had one after they were done with Galloway.

"What are you doing out of my Medbay?" Ratchet growled brandishing his wrench after a moment's thought "I haven't cleared you for duty yet"

"And that, Ratch, my main mech, is why I'm already running away down the corridor!" Jazz called pausing at the corner of the corridor and giving a cheerful, cheeky salute as Ratchet gave a furious growl and took off after him shouting Cybertronian obscenities at the top of his voice, leaving poor crashed Ironhide twitching on the floor.

"Huh, I guess Ironhide doesn't want that High Grade Party" Prowl shrugged as the annoying liaison of the government began his tirade from the very beginning again, the two remaining officers shutting off their audios and loitering in front of the furious human, not paying attention in the least.

"I guess he just wasn't in a thinking mood" Optimus shrugged as he replied through a Communication link.

_**==Autobot Base= Rec-Room=That Afternoon== **_

"I'm sorry Sideswipe" Wheeljack implored as he fiddled with a bunch of severed wires "But I thought I was grounding that terminal, but instead I must have shorted it out. So I'm afraid the entertainment system is going to be offline until tomorrow"

"No. Noooo! I _need_ my TV time!" Sideswipe wailed going over to the giant screen, falling to his knee joints and hugging the television "I… I can't go on without it! Please! Somebody put me out of my misery!"

"Is he always this dramatic?" Sam asked from where he was perched on a giggling Bumblebee's shoulder watching the scene in amusement as the Camero transformer had his morning energon with Arcee.

"When it comes to his 'TV time' yes" Sunstreaker grumbled from his own seat beside Jolt, sipping at his energon cube, glaring a hole in his sibling's helm before calling out to the silver Corvette "You mean put us out of OUR misery"

"Sunny" Sideswipe sniffed turning to his twin and holding out his arms imploringly "I want a hug, my TV go boom!"

"Oh, pit no" the gold swordsmech snarled leaping from his seat and skating out of the door with his twin not far behind, even as the Decepticon alert siren wailed through the base.

_**==That Night=Diego Garcia= Autobot Base= Outside Prowl's Office== **_

"Come on Prowl!" Jazz called hammering his fist on the door "You can't hide in there forever!"

"Go away!" the black and white mech shouted back from inside, the familiar sound of scribbled handwriting pausing "I reserve the right to sulk!"

"Not when your doorwings are dislocated!" the saboteur replied giving a squeak of surprise as the keypad he was about to hack gave him a powerful electric shock "Smart little fragger aren't you?"

"I heard that" Prowl replied "And yes Jazz, I am, you really think they'd let amateurs do the work I do? I saw that request for a tennis court"

"Awww" Jazz whined scrabbling at the door like and abandoned dog "But it'll be good for moral!"

"Jazz your Unusually Prone to Funny Accidents Syndrome completely covers that aspect" the Praxian snorted in return "And no, I'm not authorising a trapeze in the training room either."

"Prowler, I know you're sore about Barricade T-boning you off the Golden Gate bridge but Ratchet will have my aft if I don't deliver you to the medbay ASAP" Jazz said changing the subject, taking out his infamous bunch of 'hacker toys' and sifting through for the one he needed to enter his lovers office he had graciously chucked Prime out of on his arrival. "Look on the bright side; you dragged him off the bridge too."

"He nearly ripped off my doorwings!" Prowl snarled to himself "He's so off my Christmas card list!"

"You have a Christmas card list already?" Jazz asked as the door reeled open to admit the bewildered Saboteur. "And why would you send one to Barricade?"

"It's a universal Praxian thing, don't touch the wings without permission or…" Bluestreak giggled as he made an execution sign across his neck cabling, popping up behind Jazz "Hi, Prowl, Ratchet's about ready to fry your aft and feed it to the smelter."

"That'll be my cue then" the elder mech sighed grudgingly getting up and letting himself be led to the medbay where Ratchet was waiting, tapping a pede on the floor and looking murderous.

"What's this I hear about dislocated Doorwings?" the medic snarled spotting the limp black and white wings of the SIC. "You. Berth. Jazz. Get lost. Bluestreak… Stop making puppy optics at me and go with Jazz"

"But Skidz and Mudflap will get me!" the gunner whined as the neon green medic tried to corral them out of his 'Den' "They want to use me as ammo against Sides and Sunny!"

"Not my problem kid" the ambulance shrugged as he shoved them into the corridor, "The worst that could happen is you getting jumped by those two Corvettes and interfaced into the floor because you're too cute"

Bluestreak gave a mortified squeak hiding behind Jazz as if the smaller mech could stop anything that tried to get him. "No using me as a shield Blue" Jazz chided as the Medbay doors hissed shut, clanging together with the finality of a judges gravel.

"But… But!" the younger mech fretted following Jazz down the hallway.

"Old Hatchet is just teasing Blue" Jazz soothed patting the grey mech on the shoulder as they returned to Prowl's office "The Twins would at least ask first, plus Prowl, being the overprotective 'daddy' he is would likely tear there helms off if they didn't come to him for permission to court you or something first."

"I guess" Bluestreak said finally relaxing, his doorwings lowering from their high stiff position on his back.

_**==Autobot Base= Medbay== **_

"So I guess that proposal on the bridge went out the window?" Ratchet asked innocently as he numbed the doorwing joints upon Prowl's back getting ready to finally fix the stubborn tactician.

"Barricade decided he wanted to play dodgems." Prowl grumbled into the medberth tempted to slam his helm against it several times "I was so fragging close!"

"How far did you get?"

"To the part where I was just going to ask him to bond" Prowl groaned back as he saw his dented, dislocated doorwings get shoved back into place. "That's the last time I let the Twins plan anything to do with my relationship with Jazz, I'm doing it myself."

"Good good, bet you gave Barricade a good bashing though" the medic probed, say what you will, the medic was an avid gossip fan.

"He's in precisely forty three pieces at the bottom of the bay." The Praxian nodded coldly. "He was still functioning when I left him"

"Remind me never to get on your bad side" the CMO stated as he switched off the numbing block "This will sting a little"

Prowl nearly howled as he felt his doorwings feed him the backlash of sensory information from the past few hours, the SIC showing off his extensive vocabulary by swearing in every language he knew as the stabbing, needle like sensations died down.

"Jeez, you tell them it's like a pin prick and they go apocalyptic" Ratchet sighed shaking his helm.

"I'm afraid of needles" Prowl grumbled flopping onto the medical berth "Did you have to mention needles?"

"Could be worse" Ratchet shrugged blandly as he moved away to polish some of his carefully laid out tools "You could have Optimus' fear of wrenches"


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers! (Anything you don't recognise is mine)

Please R&R

(I should have the Epilouge up tomorrow. A request fic for Optimus Prime 007, a humorous take on Prowl asking Jazz to bond with him. Thank you to eveyone who has red, reviewed and faved! I'm so glad you all enjoyed this story! Enjoy!)

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 6 <strong>_

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><p><em><strong>==A Week Later= Diego Garcia= Autobot Base= 6:45am= Prowl and Jazz's Quarters==<strong>_

Today was the day.

Today Prowl was finally going to ask Jazz to bond with him, even if it deactivated him in the process frag it!

He left a cube of energon on the berth-side table, leaving his mate to be snoring lightly in the berth as he went to make a dent in his mountain of backlogged work.

Teletraan Jr., the mischievous computer that it was, decided to help him. The computer downloading its already quirky personality into a data-stick and projecting itself as a semi-solid 3D image which was a basic Icaonian frame with what Sideswipe, a rapturous watcher of the human TV, would call Tron lines, the luminous white lines, filled with data, crisscrossing his frame. "And you can help me, how?" he asked the enthusiastic ARK 2 onboard computer that was currently 'rough housing' with its creator computer in the great banks of wires and motherboards in Red Alert's Security Room.

"I've read Sunstreaker's Romance novels" the 'Hard Light' image grinned as they entered Prowl's office, the image flickering slightly as Prowl walked through the teen-computer's hologram, nearly dislodging the image stick from the frame it was buzzing around in. "I know how romance works!"

"Those novels are totally inaccurate" Prowl replied, seating himself as the young computer pouted.

"I could ask father?" Teletraan Jr. asked "He did make me after all"

"No" Prowl quickly snapped, wrenching his mind free from the thought of Teletraan-1 of all programmes copulating with another computer "That will not be necessary Junior, and no, I don't want to find out" he added when the quirky computer hologram opened its projected mouth to speak.

"So how you going to love him up?" the young programme asked as its hologram bounced in the guest seat, not even making the chair squeak as he pestered the SIC excitedly for details.

"Aren't you still grounded?" Prowl replied dryly as he checked his chronometer, mentally thanking Primus that Teletraan Jr. had a curfew to be back to the central hub before seven in the morning, when his creator computer was awakened to start the day.

"Frag!" the hologram cursed as Prowl dutifully grabbed the buzzing projection stick and plugged the image stick into his computer terminal, the junior computer giving him a cheeky image of a transformer giving him a thumbs up on his terminal screen as the computer downloaded himself back into the system. "See you later, Commander Prowl!"

With a ripple of electricity flowing down the wires and into the wall, Teletraan Jr. vacated Prowl's office.

"He's still the quirkiest computer I've ever met" Smokescreen yawned stumbling into the office holding a set of tactical data-pads filled with strategic information "Don't understand how you can be fond of him, pain in the aft. HE couldn't even steer the ship without assistance! Spaceport Therma ringing any bells in that advanced processor of yours?"

"We run into that spaceport because it was on our flight path. In hindsight I probably should have told Jr. to perform evasive manoeuvres" Prowl admitted with a shrug "And he's… endearing in his own way"

"You need your processor checked" Smokescreen snorted as he dumped the work load on the half cleared pile. "So how are we in the 'Bonding to Jazz' department?"

"Today is the day" Prowl said with conviction "And Primus help whoever gets in my way!"

_**==Autobot Base=Rec-Room=12:30pm== **_

Jazz sighed as he watched Sideswipe and Sunstreaker trash the minor twins Skidz and Mudflap in a game of Halo on the games consol, Bean, the coffeemaker, perched innocently on the table closest to the flashing game filled with flashing gun fire, thoroughly entranced.

"Heh, sparkling looks like I did when I first saw Prowl" he mused shaking his horned helm fondly remembering the uptight Commanding Officer of Praxus' most effective precinct when he had been brought in for a minor theft.

_**==Flashback! =Praxus= Four Vorns before the start of the Great War== **_

"_Aww, come on mechs! It was two cubes!" Jazz grumbled as he was dragged forcefully towards the enforcer building, his servos stasis cuffed as if he was dangerous two enforcers flanking him. _

"_It was from the most expensive restaurant in Praxus" the black and light violet enforcer retorted, flicking his violet striped doorwings in a casual dismissal, shoving Jazz through the doors that reeled open to reveal the waiting room of the precinct surprisingly with only four mechs fidgeting on the seats before the reception. _

"_Theft" the baby blue and gold enforcer, decaled with the Ensign emblem, to Jazz's right commented to the receptionist bot looking up from her neat paperwork stack, her stylus pausing poised and elegant over the screen as the femme scrutinised him. "He's only due for a slap on the wrist wires and points on his record." _

"_What's his name?" the femme sniffed putting down her stylus and rotating her chair to the terminal. _

"_Jazz" he answered for himself with a coy grin "And who are you pretty femme?" _

_That earned him a stylus to the faceplate, both officers giving soft barks of laughter as the thick writing stylus dented his olfactory sensor. _

"_Frag it!" Jazz cursed holding up his servos to cup his bruised faceplate. "What's your problem femme?"_

"_Take him through to office two" the reception femme growled indicating with her sharp pointy digit to the innocent looking office just beyond the front desk. _

"_Hate to be you mech" the black and violet officer snickered as they prodded him towards the door of the office. "I hope the Commander's in a good mood" _

"_After Sentinel Prime was just here trying to recruit him?" the baby blue and gold enforcer snorted "Not likely" _

_Jazz shuddered as he was shoved through the door, the two enforcers behind him peering like curious sparklings through the frame as he stopped and stared… _

_The enforcer before him was beautiful! His black and white frame gleaming in the faux lighting, his chest plates a molten ruby under laid with the purest gold, the doorwings arched high and proud on the mechs back as he turned to see Jazz and his escort. _

"_Interceptor, Ensign Luminous" the golden opticked mech rumbled "What are you doing?" _

"_Delivering a thief, Commander Prowl, Sir" the Black and violet Praxian grinned giving a cheesy salute, giving Jazz the clue that they were the Commander's direct subordinates "First offence, needs a slap on the wrist plating before we let him go" _

"_Very well" the Commander said stiffly sitting at his desk as Jazz slouched into his seat, barely able to keep from drooling over the bot as he began his lecture in his deep resonating baritone voice. _

_**==End Flashback== **_

What a slap on the wrist that had been, Jazz mused with a giggle into his energon cube as he drained the cube, remembering the repeat offenses he had performed to see his Enforcer Commander again. Interceptor and Luminous twigging early on that he had a crush and pointing him in the direction of their reporting officer as soon as they saw him, it was a shame they had both died in the ruins of Praxus…

Tearing himself away from the past Jazz smiled as he rose from his seat and exited the Rec-Room where Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were celebrating their victory over a sulking Skidz and Mudflap, by rubbing the horrible deaths their characters suffered in the minor twins' faceplates.

_**==Autobot Base= 4pm== **_

Prowl was nearly at the end of his tether, every time he made to get up and find Jazz, more bots came in with blasted work for him and he had been trying to get away since twelve-fragging-thirty!

He growled, nearly snapping his stylus as Ratchet came in to rant about seemingly nothing in particular, bar the bots being 'ignorant twits who can't resist trying to kill themselves daily and give me more work!'

The medic was closely followed by Red Alert asking him his opinion on how to upgrade his already numerous cameras, drone or otherwise, around the base.

"That's it!" he snarled to himself as he slammed the last data-pad in his finished pile and stormed out of his office, surprising his Prime who was coming to talk his SIC into taking a break.

"Prowl, I know you're busy but…"

"Not now! I'm on a mission!" he snapped at his commanding officer and down on an open comm. line, failing to cut it off or hear the back chatter as stormed through the base, missing stepping on Galloway who was arguing with Seymour Simmons over some classified folders, by a few inches.

He found the Autobot of his affections skiving his duty's outside, his frustrations boiling up until he finally grabbed his lover and span the startled saboteur to face him, "Jazz, I've been run over, dropped from a bridge, had my doorwings dislocated, and had more interruptions this decacycle than in my entire career as an Autobot. So I'm just going to cut to the chase. Will you Bond with me?"

Jazz's mouth opened and closed like a goldfish for a good five minutes staring at Prowl as if he had lost his mind.

"Prowl…I…" the saboteur suddenly blinked, winking his optics behind his visor on and off before advancing on the now mortified SIC a predatory frown on his faceplates as he herded the black and white mech towards the outer wall of the Autobot base. "Prowl… that has to be the most unromantic way of asking a bot to bond, and not only that…" he closed the distance, pressing into the tacticians personal space, olfactory sensors nearly touching, lowering his voice from the steady loudening shout to a whisper "I accept" he finally grinned, sealing the deal with a chaste kiss to the startled Praxian's lip-plates.

"Though I must ask" the silver mech asked as he nuzzled Prowl's neck cabling after a moment's thought "What possessed you to propose over open comm.?"

"Open… Comm?" Prowl asked completely bewildered before his silvery white faceplate completely drained of energon in horror filled realisation, his happy elation crashing like a bird without wings. The banes of his existence, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, calling down the public line that every Autobot on base was listening in on,

"We are _so_ throwing a party!"

Prowl crashed two seconds after…


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers! (Just the two OC's)

Please R&R!

(Wow! Over 100 reviews! thank you so much! I'm glad you all enjoyed this as much as I've enjoyed writing it! Hope you enjoy the Epilouge!)

* * *

><p><em><strong>Epilogue <strong>_

* * *

><p><em><strong>==Seven years Later=Dawn=Diego Garcia= Autobot Base=Prowl and Jazz's Quarters==<strong>_

It was early morning, and a roar rang out through the base.

"Who do you think it was this time?" Jazz murmured over the bond rolling over in Prowl's embrace.

"I don't know, but they are both probably in on it, Ironhide's roar was particularly loud this morning" Prowl grumbled over their bond connection dragging the thermal blanket firmly over his helm as he checked his internal chronometer. "It's too early for this slag"

"Now, now Prowler" Jazz admonished, sending a wave of fondness over the bond "I do believe it is your turn to rescue our dear babies from our resident walking gun turret"

"We need to put tracers or leashes on them both; they're as bad as the Corvette Twins." Prowl replied sourly poking his helm out from under the blanket, turning his searing optics to his mate.

"I knew we should have invested in those baby harnesses" Jazz chuckled to himself as his doorwinged lover rolled out of the berth with a deep intake similar to a human yawn.

"I'll be back soon" Prowl commented as he stalked out of the door, knowing exactly where his offspring would run off to hide.

_**==Autobot Base= Human Barracks== **_

Former Agent, Seymour Simmons was having a very nice early morning. He was sitting in the deserted canteen brooding over his usual strong coffee with yesterday's crossword challenge spread out in front of him, his pen poised, ready to take on the brain teaser.

"And you, go in there" he muttered to himself writing the word 'Discombobulated' in the longest box of the puzzle.

As if on cue, his peace was shattered by the two canteen doors banging open, and two NBE 'sparklings' bouncing across the space towards him, mostly cooing and clicking excitedly along with his detested nickname they had bestowed on him.

"Uncle Simsim!" the female one of glittering black and silver with a gold chevron giggled tugging on his sleeve, sharp little black claws that could leave cuts and bruises if she wasn't careful, digging into his arm.

The male sparkling, a shining beacon of pristine white with silver splashes was just as bad, clinging to him like he was an oversized teddy, ornate helm horns and crystal blue visor flashing in the light as he moved, his tiny winglets fluttering in excited agitation.

They were about six feet tall, making them the largest 'babies' Seymour had ever had the misfortune to become attached to. The adult Autobots, giant and powerful machines as they are, were always tender with them, gently lifting or gripping them as if they were fragile glass on the verge of breaking, making sure that their powerful servos wouldn't crush the 'little darlings' as the mother of the two had cooed once in his presence.

The humans on the other had were warned to stay away if possible until the little devils actually understood that the humans were even more breakable than themselves, which was good advice since Simmons had seen a human hammer rebound off of the male sparkling's arm, barely denting the apparently 'fragile' five year old as they had been sneaking around in the human barracks, their own personal Jungle Gym.

Seymour sighed as the two jostled him between them, pining for his attention as he packed up his crossword. "Alright you little devils" he grumbled rubbing his eyes in exasperation "What did you do this time?"

He received clicks and coos in return with more excited 'Uncle Simsim' thrown in for his convenience as he saw the giant, black armoured, cannon baring, Ironhide stomp out of the base and by the canteen window in the pale light of the dawn, small suspicious looking drawings of NBE child calibre decorating his legs in neon pink. "Come on you two, I'd better deliver you back to your daddy" he said in an attempt to get the male sparkling to let his arm go from the vice like grip he possessed.

"Mr. Simmons" the SIC of the Autobots rumbled as he managed to stumble out of the barracks with his new arm decorations, the two sparkling cooing and squealing up at their Sire abandoning their impromptu 'nanny' to crowd his pedes. "Thank you for looking after Aria and Soul"

"No problem" the Ex-Sector Seven agent shrugged tiredly, mentally bemoaning the bruises that were going to appear on his arms from his illegitimate 'Niece and Nephew' as the larger doorwinged mech knelt down on one knee joint beside his offspring to pick them up. The white and silver one, Soul, trilling happily as Aria had to be given a stern rumble by the not amused Prowl as she refused his lift back into the base.

"Bye-bye Uncle Simsim!" the two chorused happily from their Sire's grip, waving cheekily from their twenty foot vantage point as the SIC gave the human an incline of the helm before stalking back into base with his children.

"Finally some peace and quiet" the agent grumbled shaking his head fondly as he rushed back to his discarded crossword, slouching in his seat by his strong coffee, just as the wake up for the morning drill rang through the barracks. "Damn it!"

_**==Autobot Base== Jazz and Prowl's quarters== **_

"There's my babies!" Jazz grinned as his mate let their children onto the berth, both sparklings giggling happily, ignoring their carrier in favour having some rough and tumble play as they argued over something on their twin bond. "Let me guess. They found a certain human they like?"

"Of course" Prowl nodded, giving his mate a lopsided smirk "Seymour wasn't to grouchy about it this morning either, he must have secretly enjoyed watching Ironhide bowl past the human residence covered in Cybertronian glyphs and stick drawings."

"Mech, our sparklings have a death wish" the saboteur chuckled reaching down to separate the two brawling siblings as Aria pinned a whining Soul beneath her, the black and silver femmeling always careful of her brothers budding winglets. "Now, now Aria, no biting" Jazz admonished firmly as he spied his daughter baring her denta at Soul's helm fins, gently detangling Soul from the fray to nuzzle his son as Prowl picked up the pouting Aria.

"Mamma's mech" Aria snapped in her limited Cybertronian at her twin who was curled happily into Jazz's chestplates, sticking out his glossa at her.

"Sire's femme" Soul sharply retorted as Aria made a point of snuggling into their father's shoulder as the two mates lay back on the berth, rolling their optics at their children.

"I don't know where they get it from Prowler" Jazz sighed shaking his helm in amusement as the two sparklings clambered off their parents and snuggled up in a pile of recharging parts by the larger mech's shoulders.

"Sideswipe and Sunstreaker no doubt" Prowl grumbled, recalling the brawl and snuggle pile after he had returned Sunstreaker's Alt Scanner codes to him after he and Jazz had bonded, the golden warrior decided to keep his Corvette Alt mode as he 'digged the tyre pedes' when running from Ratchet. The excuse had been a cover up for the fact that he couldn't say no to Bluestreak after Sideswipe had called in the heavy hitter to make his brother stay as he was.

Jazz snickered as he leaned over his sparklings giving his mate a soft kiss "Love you" he hummed, flopping back onto his back strut, powering down his systems to recharge once again.

"Love you too" Prowl replied with a smile, his fingers interlacing with Jazz's below their sparklings, recharging on the berth.

_**== Hours later= 8am=**_

As the two mates intended to recharge all the way into the afternoon on their day off, Red Alert's voice came over the tannoy system waking them both with a start "Would Prowl and Jazz please report to the Prime's office, Soul and Aria have gotten into the Classified drawer again…"

Prowl offered Jazz a glare, the TIC holding up his servos in surrender "Alright, alright, I'll go order the child leashes off of Amazon"


End file.
